When you surprise yourself !!

So 17th May came and whiskered by without me knowing just WHAT was going on !!

It started as a pretty ordinary day, albeit I was crazy tensed about the impending ISC results supposed to come out at 3 pm.




Fuck, this is HUGE. - There wasn't one minute which went past without me re-re-re-realizing this.
Okay, you know it wasn't that great. - My inner mind would counter.
Shit, what are my excuses if it goes that bad? Aha, the Cricket world cup! But, that's hardly an excuse! I wasn't well? No.. I couldn't study! I didn't have much time! Yeah, that sounds reasonable!

 
Evidently, I was going nuts. Each passing minute, a new excuse came propping up to my head and looked all the more appealing and believable. The stakes were high. All my dreams of breaking outside the unspoken rules of Conventional lines for the future and securing a decent college rested on what I would witness in a few hours - my ISC results. Phew.

I decided food wasn't the best thing to calm my nerves down. So, no food till results are out. " Aaj ratre Dominoes na hole korola! " was all my mind was thinking about. Sure, there have been many occasions when I had to go online to check my results and many a times it wasn't really pleasing to the eyes. I was still hopeful. Come on! The exams weren't THAT bad!

And then my mind would wander into the dark secret lanes of doubting myself.
-Really? Remember ICSE? You gave it your all, didn't you? 18 hours before the EVE - you were a bloody machine! And still, you managed only a 95.8 when you had a 97 on your mind!
-Cut it! That was ICSE. I was retarded back then. My entire English paper was a photocopy of the original works. I lacked creativity in my answers!
-So what? What about the Theory of Conservation of Hard Work? Your effort was much more! Proportionately, you shouldn't even manage a 95 this time.
-Big deal? Why is 95 SUCH a big deal?
-Because its your future, retard. You need at least a 96 to ensure the best of the best even slightly consider your case!
-AAAAAAAAA!!!








Yes. THAT was what I was going through. Matthew Perry tried a lot to get me relaxed but for one day, FRIENDS didn't help much.
The clock kept ticking.

Tick. Tock.
Tick. Tock.
Tick. Tock.
Tick. Tock.


And suddenly Kushagra IMs me a link on Facebook. I clicked and it took me to an ISC result.
Wait a minute. Its only 2. The results aren't out till another hour.

OH, IS THAT A LEAK?
Yes, it WAS.


Hands trembling, I just about managed to type in my roll number into the address bar.

Tick. Tock.


I wasn't even halfway through the marks when my brain started functioning faster than a Super computer.
100, 100 - 200. 96 means minus 4, 97 means minus 3. That means 393 out of 400, 7/4 is 1.75 so that means my percentage is.... and my entire colony could hear me scream out " 98.25 !!! I managed a 98.25 !! Take THAT suckers !! "

Not really sure who took that, but I was JUBILANT. I had practically invested 2 months for the exams. Having taken co curriculars quite seriously, I could really never invest much time for the board examinations. But whoa. 98.25?! I was dazed!

The last few months had been hard. The burden of expectations, the stress of performance and then the never ending wait for results started to take quite a toll. But in the end, no one could have taken 17th May away from me.


Life, goes on. But well, I did have Dominoes for dinner. :D
(KFC, you're on tomorrow)

The window of opportunity

The last time I blogged was so many days back that I really don't remember when it was! Well, credit goes to the highly efficient education system that our country has. The last two months have been the roughest in my short life. First, there was the ISC and then the much hyped IIT JEE.

Well, I wouldn't really admit I aced either. I had made a decision early into the last two years of my schooling that I would not sell out my participation in school for the sake of cracking the JEE and needless to say, it messed up my preparations pretty effectively. I wasn't an "all in for the IIT", but it was something which always had the appeal. Cracking the JEE     is an achievement, but an achievement I wouldn't have the distinction of making.

Yeah, as I said, the last two months have been very challenging, on emotional and psychological grounds. Being thoroughly under prepared, thanks to my over involvement in extra curricular, I was practically left with a months' time to prepare for my school-leaving board examinations, something which would single-handedly     become the deciding factor while getting admissions into colleges. I crammed up as much as possible and took the examination amidst an homely, yet unsettled environment.

Then came the "2 weeks before the JEE" and 18 hours a day didn't help me this time. I tried hard, very. But, sometimes all you can do is accept what destiny has for you. I could have changed it all, but then I didn't. Do I repent my decision? No. The two years at school, living each day for the friends, for the teachers, for the passion - nothing can overcome those moments. 


So, what is this writing all about, then?
No, its not my mind giving excuses and explanations for why I failed. Thing is, I never failed. No one can. Life is too short to fail. In the loving it lies the essence of living it and I love my life too much to fail.


Life will go on, as it always does. And pretty soon I may start believing in myself yet again and eventually might even pursue a career based on my passion. Someone had scripted "Whatever happens, happens for the good". I may have long denied the existence of what people call "God", but maybe there is a higher power which decides what is best for us. An opportunity missed is not a failure but just God's mysterious way of reminding us that it was not the right door.


The right door is always just round the corner, all it takes is a bit of courage to take the path that leads to the door. If life is all about choices, go by the heart. For the heart is stronger than the mind and reason can never defeat passion.

The Momentary Respite :)

They came, and like the infinite other times, they went ..

The Hostel hall..

But, this time.. they were a bit different. The exam hall was no longer the claustrophobic classroom; but the new hostel hall which is also going to be the ISC center at school.

The neatly arranged desks and the extremely well 'atmosphered' location was a start. The days which followed, were far from the comfortable promises. Quite expectedly, Maths, Physics and Chemistry were gruelling.. and to make matters worse subjects which are just there to make the numbers, weren't such a cake walk either.

The first week saw three heavy weights (in Maths, Physics and Computers) put aside, but the "Chemistry-fever" caught onto me round the first weekend.

Some of the best moments, however, came outside the hall. Sounak's birthday was marred (rather, glorified) with a visit to the Principal's room after the Pro-Vice Chairman saw us birthday bashing Sounak and the Language exam had a free flow EPL discussion preceding it!

Physical Education and EVE happened, unnoticed. But, EVE did leave an impression on some of us.. Oh well, here's headless Amartya (to the left) making last minute additions!



At the end of the half yearlies, this time around, it feels weird to realize how 'half-yearlies' won't happen, ever again...
Although it won't be long before the Pre-boards come surging back with truckload of more syllabus to cover, this momentary respite from the 'exam-fever' is promising, in many ways.

As for me, "Movies, here I come! " :D